The New Leader by the year 3000

Work with Impossible People:

Control my thoughts and feelings:

• Realize all of us get stressed and respond with two channels:
  • [Facts ]- The actual problem statements.
  • [Feelings]- My relationship with the other person.
• Focus on the expected action, not the PERSON.
• Make my point without making an ENEMY!
• Clarify their purpose statement versus my purpose statement.
• Clarify their expected results versus my expected results.
• Slow down my reactions. Evaluate the alternative solution statements.

I Can Influence an "Impossible Person" - As Follows:

• LISTEN TO THEIR IDEAS -- even if I would prefer not to listen.
• Respect them.
• Maintain eye contact.

WORK TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMs with the 'impossible person'.

Stop Judging the 'Impossible Person' & Ask:

• "How can I help?"
• "How do I feel about his request?"
• "Why do I feel that way?"
• "What am I able to do?"
• "What am I willing to do?"
• "Is the situation impossible or is the person impossible?"
• "Did my information/action trigger his action?
• OR Is his action a repeating pattern with other people and me?"

--- If I talk directly and tactfully with him, what is the likely result?
--- What is the cost? Benefit? Risk?
--- Do I continue to accept his action and not do anything?
--- Do I confront him and request a change of action?
--- Do I avoid (physically leave) the person?

Handle an Aggressive/Hostile Person:

• When he attacks my problem and ME then he tries to put me on the defensive to control me.
• I can:
  • Listen and define the problem.
  • Say, "May I finish before I hear your reaction."
  • Be specific with hurting him -- in return.
  • Work on generating alternative solutions.
  • Use his name.
  • Reinforce my comments with solid eye contact.
• If the hostile person is family then set up a time to talk later.
• If the hostile person is a boss, do not walk away.

Handle an 'Impossible' Person:

• Stop hoping they will change or DROP DEAD.
• Stop blaming/judging them as insecure, strange, wierd, etc.

Focus on Solving the Required Problems:

• Ask, "Is it the person or the situation?"
• If it is the person then decide if my purpose is to:
  • Accept his/her actions.
  • Change his/her actions.
  • Walk away from the situation.

Use the Problem Solving Steps

1. State our problem/issue -- ask:
   1. "Who/What did what to WHOM/WHAT?"
   2. "When did what happen?"
   3. "wHere did it happen?"
   4. "Should we write the problem down?"
2. Develop a list of alternative solution statements:
   1. "What are your solution statements?"
   2. "What if ...?"
3. Focus on one solution statement:
   1. "WHO/WHAT needs to do WHAT by WHEN and WHERE?"
4. Plan the future expected action:
   1. Write down "WHO/WHAT DOES WHAT BY WHEN AND WHERE?"
5. Follow up - to re-inforce positively:
   1. "When do I have your agreement to follow-up?"